August 14th

Peak flow: 450



Sorry Im so late posting tonight guys. It's been a very hectic day. I spent the bulk of it researching and writing grants. You know grants for writers. Yes, they do exist. I think the legitamate ones are few and far between and have to jive with whatyou're doing but yes they are out there. I need grant money for incidental items, like a new heater for the house, a new heater/defroster for the car, a new printer and scanner...ink, paper...hopefully a little push water for our little Sunbird so I can resume making those much needed book signings. Anyway I found three I qualify for so now's the time to write my curriculum vitae (Don't worry I didn't know what it was either until I looked it up) And I have a frakking Masters Degree!

I had no idea so many people were interested in my daily ravings until I missed a post. Lol. I appreciate the love and support, I really do! I had no idea anyone but Melody was reading them!
But I am grateful and I hope that my writings help anyone else out there whose struggling with the battle of the bulge, and so on.

My asthma has improved. I'm still really sore and I hadn't attempted to do any yoga. My medtiation practice took a hit too. I spent lots of time just lying on the bed or propped in the recliner doing silent practices.

This evening JW and I were talking about his hero, Les Paul, the pioneer of the modern electric guitar. Les Paul passed on today at the tender age of 94. JW said that he didn't mind so much that his heroes were all dying, what troubled him was that the younger generation will never get to truly appreciate greats like Les Paul and others. I said, yes, nothing is more depressing than a kid saying, "Bette Davis who?"
And as the conversation progressed, I said in a half joking way that it really didn't matter that in 100 years time we'd all be dead anyway, and of course the punchline to the collosal cosmic joke is that we'd all be back again. Shuffled up a bit, rearranged somewhat, like the poor confused characters in the film Dark City. But we'd be back, unless we figure out how to get off this cyclic hamster wheel and become enlightened. And with that JW said that he was going to bed, and I told him I'd follow him shortly. He said if he was alive in the morning that he'd see me then.

Now that wasn't a damned bit funny. I'm far from being free from attachments, and he's one of those attachments Im not prepared to let go of, literally or figuratively. But I do know how to let anxiety go. Otherwise it'd hound me and I'd haunt the house all night worrying...about possiblities that will probably never come to pass...too terrified to sleep...too haunted to think...

For that I am profoundly grateful to Lama and his teachings.

Dunno. I just know it's 10:30 pm. I forewent a bowl of cinnamon rice that I was craving and will do some gentle yoga before bedtime instead. Paleo friendly food is scarce once again, but Buddha provides. He always does. Osda Svhiye (good night)
om mani padme hum
breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit, handful of bing cherries a handful of saltines

Dinner: beef tips, rice, mixed veggies.