aug 4th

My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage(Practical Magic 1998)

peak flow 275
breakfast: 6 chocolate chip cookies
Lunch salad and fruit
Dinner: chili at my brother's house. Z does make some kickass chili. I Have to remember not to put catsup and crackers into it.

So today I show some courage. I had an epic fail with my diet plan yesterday and again today. JW brought home chocolate chip cookies. I ate a few and promptly went to sleep. I don't remember getting into bed; Im assuming JW put me there, so I slept through my 7 pm practice slept all night without taking my asthma meds (never ever a good idea) and woke at 6 feeling sticky, broke and confused.
You'd think I'd learned my lesson and would not get back into the cookie jar, but no, this morning I promptly went back and snacked on the hair of the dog.
Im not sleepy, but Im discovering my kidneys don't like the influx of refined sugar and wheat. So...no more cookies for me....

Yesterday I went to the craft store to pick up saffron and red and gold beads for my amulet bags and when I walked past a display of mirrors I was shocked to see myself. I stopped, got a good look. I'm still fat, but my clothes are hanging loosely on me. I literally look as if I'm deflating.
My skin is looking weird. I think Im getting stretch marks on my arms. It wouldn't surprise me any, but it is disturbing to look at.

This morning I did 20 minutes of yoga. Today was the dove sequence, very difficult. I could do most of the poses but the alternate crane pose is still impossible for me to do. I tried tho, and Im sore. My body screams, whines and beggs for me to stop..just stop and sit in the recliner and rest. Dont do anyting the little voice in my head says. Let's just watch tv and eat.
No. no more. Not ever again.
My body and that little voice in my head will learn to adapt. I just need to be more vigilant in the future.