Monday, August 31, 2009
You know it don't come easy
peek flow: 325
breakfast a bowl of dry rice chex
lunch bacon sandwich (in theory I might not eat anything)
dinner: hamburger patties. CRZ help me!
I am feeling better. Letting my poor digestive tract rest yesterday was a good call. Im still drinking lots of water and a cup or two of mint tea, but Im being very careful.
Last night I managed a half a bowl of beef soup, but couldn't help but feel sad for the beef floating in it. I'd go veg but JW would throw a walleyed screaming fit. And I made some vanilla pudding for the guys. I tasted a bite or two but it was so disgusting I couldn't eat it. How did I live off this crap in the past? A better question is why did I live off of it?
And today I get to consume more dead animals...bacon which always smells better than it tastes and prefab hamburger patties. I shouldn't dis the food I know. I'm lucky and grateful to have it. And it gives the guys something to eat even if I choose to pass.
Z is staying with us longer than we expected. I can't tell you why, because its private on his part and be catharting on my part and I have no desire to emotionally barf on anyone. Suffice it to say that he and his son will be staying with us for a couple of weeks until things get straightened out. I offered to reconvert my office/shrine room into a bedroom so they'd be more comfortable but Z said no, they were fine sleeping on the floor or the recliner in the living room. He has COPD and sleeping upright helps him breathe anyway. And Chris hasn't complained about sleeping beside the shrine. Lord Buddha and my Kwan Yin statues look after him while he sleeps. Every time I pray for a Chenrezig statue another Kwan Yin statue comes along. Funny that.
It will not be a hardship, although it will be close quarters. Our tiny house can only hold so much lol. And I know the animal hair gets to him after a while.
I mentioned the Garden of Eden diet to my brother this morning. He didn't say anything. I hope he's receptive. I'll pull up some info this morning to send to his computer. I know he'd feel oh so much better, mentally, spiritually and physically if he changed his diet.
Lol, it'll change anyway since theyr'e staying with us. We do the paleo thang....
The only problem I'm having is that both he and JW smoke. The excess smoke is really getting to me. I think Im going to start seeking refuge outside more often. Grab my blankets and yoga mat outside with my practice texts to pray.
My meditation practice hasn't been diminished. If anything it's become more inhanced. There are times, like this morning when I went so deep that I longed for it to last forever, to just stay in that state of serene awareness.
But of course, that's neither possible nor desirable. I let it go. Tearfully, but I let it go.
Z apologized this morning for intruding on us and for being temporarily homeless. I told him not to worry. Everything will be okay. He said he was starting over. But isn't that what we all do every morning when we wake?
Now. I have something of a moral delimma coming up. I know its' coming. It's just a matter of time. To everyone it would seem trivial and no big deal, but to me it's a huge thing because it means breaking a vow. I don't want to do that.
Z's neighbor. I won't get into the weirdness that is W. But i will say that it's only a matter of time when he comes calling to find out where Z is. Z told me that if he does I am to say that he's not here and I dont' know where he is or when I'll see him again.
It means I'd have to lie. (which is part of the reason why my stomach is in knots)
So, instead of lying and saying no he's not here (although technically he's not, he's in the living room watching movies)and saying the truth, ---Z wants you to leave him alone you creepy old git--I need to find the middle path here. If I should say he's not available; that'd imply that he is here and then W will drive over and nobody wants that. (W wants Z to do some electrical work for him, for practically nothing and under code which he absolutely won't do. So, hopefully this will be a non issue and I won't have to lie about anything. I'd really like to manifest that.
I just don't know what to say.
How do I get into these predictaments?
And so now I leave you with another favorite Beatles song and ironically appropriate for this morning. Enjoy