endgame

Peak flow 400...not bad....
Dinner
Stirfried beef tips and asian veggies no rice.
Im currently finishing off my last glass of iced water for the night.
To say it rained today is an understatement. It poured. We are now up to 7 inches for the month of July. And it ain't over. It's gonna rain some more tonight and again tomorrow, all the way up to saturday. It's keeping the temps down which is great but the air is so humid it literally clings to you. Here we call it 'air you can wear.'
Now if it doesn't storm so I can get my lesson from Lama tomorrow everything will be great. If it keeps raining, we might be able to put pontoons on the house and paddle it all the way to San Diego and dock at his house. Now wouldn't that be a surprise?!

The good news is that the writing assignments for today are complete. And the Tsa Tsa painting is coming along. I did the background and Chenrezig himself. I don't like the upsala flower. It looks...weird...Dunno.
I do know that all those years of painting Grenadere and Ral Partha D&D figures wasn't wasted during my years of youthful geekdom. I can still paint tiny figures. What I need are better paints. But I'm adding all of this to my notebook because the ones I 'm currently doing are just experiments anyway. I'll also be experimenting with different paints in the future. Although I don't have Davinci's talent (well his invented tempras didn't work all that great either in retrospect) with making my own paints, Im sure in the future that I'll find just the right kind of paint that won't streak, clob or just plain crawl off the tsa tsa.

Im not sure why it happens, and thankfully it doesn't happen often...but I am occassionally besieged with brief but profounds episodes of depression. I know the feeling isn't real, and don't worry I never have any desire to do away with myself in any way, but the feeling is very strong and lasts from a few minutes to a few days.
I'm using Lama's Sutric questions along with the Three Fold Path meditation to combat these sensations. As I said before, they're not real. It's just an illusion brought about by occassionally low neurotransmitter levels. I'm convinced that meditation is the key, as I am equally convinced that attachment to these sensations only makes it worse. Its much better to observe and let go.
Also, I'm convinced that lack of sunshine is a culprit. I havent been outside in days, and it's been heavy cloudy, and very rainy so I can't sit out and absorb fresh air and sunshine the way I'd like. I almost feel as if I'm in hibernation.
Nutrition is also probably part of the problem too, and I'll do some holistic nutritional research tonight to see what I can find that'll help. Like I said, I dont have any desire to hurt myself. It's just a listless sensation that wants to sit in a dark living room and watch Bogart movies all day on the oldies channel because nothing is worth saying, thinking or doing.
And like I said, it's brief, its really strong, but its not real. Iknow its not and I work through it.
The only reason why I'm mentioning it at all is because those who read this blog might benefit from it. Knowing that sunshine, for instance, can elevate mood as well as exercising in the fresh air, or changing one's nutritional status or even one's routine may keep someone off those horrendous antidepressants.
And meditate...learning to love (even yourself) and letting go...that's a very profound practice...
Oh I could sit and write for hours and hours, but I doubt anyone wants to read giant walls o' text so I'll leave it here for tonight. I'll post tomorrow if you're inclined to drop by and visit--providing I can turn on the computer that day--which I should, and I'll talk more then. I'm currently reading a lovely book for Facing North Webzine's review site, and there's lots I want to say about it. Some here after the fact. One thing in particular, when Tenzin Palmo meets her lama for the first time and she has an amazing experience. The thing is, I can totally relate to that experience. I may post it...then again...I might not....
Good night, ferrets. Sweet dreams.