Thursday, September 3, 2009

Mindful eating

peak flow 400

Breakfast leftover meatloaf
Ice water
7 am practice skipped
ll am practice
reading heart of compassion
ice water more leftover meatloaf. And blackberry cobbler
3 pm, slept through

7 pm practice skipped. (slept through)
ice water
chinese food
birthday cake with ice cream

am reading: heart treasure of the enlightened ones
am workout: Fire series yoga

Evening reading Path to Enlightenment

Its about to start raining so I won't working out outdoors this morning. I'll work out in here instead, while its peaceful and quiet. The nephew has gone to school and my brother and JW are still asleep. Time for peaceful introspection.

I liked the workout routine I did yesterday but think I'll keep it to every other day since I woke this morning and found myself a bit stiff and sore. Some muscle groups are tightening up admirably, while others, such as my triceps area (you know that muscle under your arm) is still dangly. I hate that. I really do. I want to focus more intensely on that area in the upcoming weeks, trying to hoist those saggy muscles back to where they belong. It'll be tough, Im sure but up to the challenge. especially after today when I go off paleo and have yummy neo cake and ice cream.

One thing I have definately noticed yesterday is that my attitude towards food has changed, as well as how much I consume as well as what I'm putting into my body. take yesterday for example. Zack made meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner and a blackberry cobbler for dessert.(I ate about 3 bites of the cobbler and passed the rest)

Now this time last year I would have scarfed it all down without thinking. My mind would have blanked out and I would have ate it for the sole purpose that it was put before me. In fact I would have had two maybe three plates. Instead I had half a plate and was full.

I wouldn't have explored the taste, texture or even judged as to wheter I liked it or not. It was set in front of me and I ate it. All, whether I was stuffed beyond capacity or not. Why? I could tell you that's how I was raised. I could tell you I went very hungry as a child and deep down I'm never sure there'll ever be a next meal, or maybe it's just because I'm a pig-glutton and like to eat. It could be all of the above and it could be none of the above. The important thing is that despite the 12 step overeating programs I poured over, trying to decipher the causes and conditions of my 'disease' (over eating isn't a disease folks. It's just not and don't try to convince me otherwise. Been there done that got the bad hat) The truth is that how I came to do this doen't matter. What matters now is what to do with it.

Lama Jigme taught me in one small but profound instruction how to do this. And I promise it works better than any 12 step program out there.

First don't analyze why you overeat. It's not important. Trust me it's not. I used to spend literally hours doing OA workbooks, analyzing in excruciating detail why I over ate. It occured to me while sweating over this stupid workbook that the two hours of my life wasted on the past I could have been outside exercising in the bright morning sunshine. I tossed the workbooks got off the OA chatrooms and never looked back.

Lama asked me if I pay attention to what I'm eating. I said no. He told me to start doing so, and to make every bite an offering to Chenrezig. He also sent me three simple prayers to do before eating, and months later introduced me to the paleo diet.

I offer this food to Lama Chenrezig
who eminates
in his pea sized aspect of bliss inducing light
uponthis throat center

The instruction was so simple, yet so profound. I didn't recognize it as such at first. But I tried it. And continued working with this practice of mindfully eating.
What does this grape taste like?
what does this grape feel like?
how could I let this go?
Letting go..

It wasn't a one meal revelation. It took practice and time to do it and get the rhythm right.

I offer this taste to Lama Chenrezig

But after a while I stopped paying attention to the television or to background conversation and started paying attention to what was going on inside my mouth.

I examined the flavor, the texture, the overall satisfaction of what I was ingesting.

And I started slowing down, contemplating every single bite. Instead of bolting my food down like a starving wolf, I was eating the way my step mother always wished I would. Like a lady. And I became satisfied with far far less.

And the snacking stopped.

While doing this, I noticed there were foods I simply didn't like. Potatoes for instance tastes dirty, melted cheese, slimy and salty. (I don't do cheese snot)

But the thing is, I'm learning about what I do and don't want to eat, and even more important, learning how to turn things down that I don't like. Sure it makes for some unhappy murmuring. Like last night when I turned down mashed potatoes, JW said it was because they were 'against my religion.' No its against my health and well being. Besides, I dont' like them anyway. And why should you eat something you don't like? I promise, starving kids in China dont give a rats bohunk whether or not you eat your peas.

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