Saturday, September 5, 2009
You have to find humor in the absurd. You just have to, because if you don't you'll lose your mind. And a lost mind is a terrible thing to try and find.
Take yesterday at 4:am for example.
I wake from a deep sleep needing to make my nightly trudge to the latrine. So I get out of bed, tripped on the akita who was doing her dead cockroach impression on the floor next to the bed, righted myself and stumbled toward the door. I don't put on my glasses because the house is not much larger than the average 2 bedroom apartment (in fact I think our house is slightly larger than my son and finace's apt.) So navigating from the bedroom down the short hallway to the bathroom isn't that big a deal, even for someone who's legally blind without her specs. So I make my way down the hallway when a blur caught my attention. The blur was JW who stopped me in front of the bathroom door and said, "whatever you do, don't sit down too hard on the toilet. It fell through the floor."
So I go back into the bedroom, retrieve my glasses from the bookcase and return to what the Marines affectionately refer to as the "the head".
Sure enough the toilet is sitting cockeyed on the floor. It's listing pretty good to starboard too, but hasn't fallen completely through yet. That'll come in a few more days I expect when someone plops their ass down on it without considering the consequences.
I could have gotten very upset. I could have thrown a wall eyed screaming fit. I could have burst into tears. I could have spent the next few days wringing my hands and bemoaning the fact that we live in an overcrowded hovel, and everything bad happens to ME. Oh WOE! Or I could become clingy and weepy and become a (gasp!) desparate housefly.
Instead, I laughed.
Yep. I laughed.
I couldn't help it. It was just too absurd.
I laughed even harder when I talked to Lama J yesterday.
Seeing the can listing like that was just damned funny. I get the giggles every time I think about it.
So why am I not pulling out my hair and lamenting on how horrible life is, and how everything is suffering and it ONLY HAPPENS TO ME????
Could it be because self pity is an enormous waste of good energy? Could it be that nobody wants to live in a crowded tiny house with a woman doing her best Eyeore impression?
Yes, it's all of these things but....there's more to it than that.
Because I have learned how to let go. Sure, I could grasp onto this with white knuckle intensity and make myself suffer and everyone around me suffer as well. But no, it's not productive and pity parties only generate more suffering, far more than a toilet that is sinking into the floor. Instead I'd rather do something more important with this energy that I'm carrying around. Like manifesting it into a positive outcome so we all benefit.
Even desperate houseflies.
Some may think that imperminence is a terrible thing. After all, imperminence could take away people you love, make the rich poor, cause your health to get buggie. Impermenence has caused peaceful nations to tumble, and weak nations to become mean and greedy.
Impermanence can cause death but then again can cause rebirth as well. Just like a scorched hillside after a terrible fire can become reborn when seeds and shoots grow out of the fertile soil, or pine cones open and deposit their seeds after the intense heat opens them.
Imperminence isn't always a downer. You might be broke today, but that doesn't mean you'll be broke forever. You could get a wonderful new job that pays off all your debts, you could learn to budget your money wisely and learn how to save up for leaner times. The bad headcold you contracted will give way to good health. And as such, even sinking commodes will be repaired.
It all depends on how you look at things. If you look for darkness you'll find it. If you look for the light you could be blinded by it. Look for the path that is properly lit.
If you let your mind run rampant with what if questions, fear and anxiety will hunt you down. You'll become depressed, and feel defeated. Worse, you could get a persecution complex, and start honking like Eyeore from Winnie The Pooh, and nobody wants to hang around with an Eyeore.
Instead, it's best to learn the secret of love and letting go. Go here to find out how:
The toilet still works. You have to be careful when you get on it. Guys are so lucky in that aspect, as you can imagine how it takes some maneuvering for me to do it. Which gives me ample time to practice the horserider's stance.
Besides, I come from a long line of construction workers. My brother and husband together can get the work done in a days time, and all we need for materials is a couple of sheets of plywood and a wax seal. The trick is coming up with about 10.00bucks to get it done, but we'll manage. We always do.
Breakfast ice water
Lunch chicken and okra and grapes
Dinner: pork chops and veggies
Peak flow 300
AM reading Heart Treasure
NOON reading: Heart of Compassion
EVENING reading: Path to Enlightenment
Work out: Dunno yet. I gotta find a place to do it.
I want to go back to doing the earth flow series. I'm just not strong enough to do the fire series. I tried yesterday and was shaky and exhausted 20 minutes into it.